Angels and Angels, fiction by Caroline Kepnes

Aun­tie Lee has all day par­ties and Mama says it’s got to be a hun­dred degrees out­side. That’s how I know it’s sum­mer again. Mama says next sum­mer we’ll get air con­di­tion­ing and next sum­mer we’ll take a big vaca­tion, cross coun­try, with Aun­tie Lee to Cal­i­for­nia where we’ll go on a game show and win red cars. The she huffs and says, “The big ‘if’ being if your Aun­tie Lee can sober up.” I want to believe her, but that’s what she said last sum­mer, and this sum­mer we’re not going so I don’t know. She says it’s because our finan­cial flow­ers haven’t yet bloomed and then she scratch­es her head and smiles quite uncon­vinc­ing­ly I must say. Tomor­row is the Fourth of July and we’re not going to Aun­tie Lee’s to see the fire­works. Mama says Aun­tie Lee gets fire­works all year long from her dope. It’s fun­ny though, I didn’t know Aun­tie Lee had a dope because I nev­er met him and if she lived with some­one else I think I’d know.

Some­times I stay up late and lis­ten to Mama talk on the phone to the friends we got. She says if Lee don’t stop shoot­ing up she’s gonna die soon, even with all the mon­ey she made from deal­ing because mon­ey can’t go into your arms and save you. Mama says all she does is deal and shoot up and deal and shoot up over and over again. I’d like to think I know Aun­tie Lee pret­ty well, but I nev­er knew she liked shoot­ing guns up in the air. When I ask Mama about Aun­tie Lee’s shoot­ing up Mama says it’s not what I think, and I’m too young to know it. Mama tells her friends that she should know it’s a hard thing to stop doing, she says one time a long time ago she couldn’t stop either. Mama says it gives you a feel­ing like noth­ing else and that she miss­es it every day. I know lots about my mama, but this shoot­ing up, it makes me won­der. I can’t pic­ture her with a gun.

I might go to Aun­tie Lee’s while Mama’s not look­ing. Mama doesn’t like me to be there. I snuck over once before, when Mama was talk­ing about Lee’s angel dust friends. I love angels. At Christ­mas, Mama and I cut up angels out of paper and tape them all over the house. When I asked Aun­tie Lee about angel dust, she said it’s a dif­fer­ent kind of angel, a bet­ter one. Then she gave me some­thing and made me cross my heart and hope to die before I told Mama. She called it angel dust. Angel dust makes me feel very free, like a bird, with all things bright and beau­ti­ful and rain­bows and uni­corns. Mama says Aun­tie Lee does it to escape real­i­ty, like that Uncle Jack is gone and now she runs around with Hell’s Angels. I didn’t know that angels can come from hell but I guess it makes sense if you think about it. Hell and Heav­en are both out in the beyond where you don’t have leaky faucets or over­alls, you just have what’s you on the inside. Mama says it’s good to escape from every­thing and we all need to once in a while and that you can’t go around judg­ing peo­ple for how they like to escape. You can only wor­ry for them. She also says it’s dan­ger­ous and that cops don’t like it and they’ll lock you up for using it. It seems crazy that the police would not want peo­ple to be hap­py because hap­py peo­ple don’t do bad things. I still have a lit­tle angel dust left and Aun­tie Lee says to save it for a time when things get so bad that I want to go away to peace and love. Then all her weird friends with the long hair and the loud leather laugh and laugh about noth­ing. They say they’re high but I can see that they’re right here near me.

So I wake up ear­ly the next morn­ing and I watch the big boy on the cor­ner sell stuff. Maybe he’s sell­ing angel dust, who knows. He once gave me a stick­er and told me that hold­ing the stick­er would take me on a roller coast­er of rain­bows. Actu­al­ly, no. that was the first boy. One night I heard a loud noise like a fire­crack­er and lots of sirens. I nev­er saw that boy again. Then one day there was a new boy, like the old boy, only small­er, with new stuff that Mama said was the same as the old stuff. That was when Lucy and Susan stopped com­ing over to my house because their moms said it wasn’t safe here because of deal­ers and crack hous­es. None of the hous­es on my street have cracks in them. Some have boards on the win­dows but no cracks. What crazy mamas Lucy and Susan got.

I walk to my Aunt Lee’s house and knock on the door. She has lots of friends over and they’re all trip­ping or some­thing. They drink punch that makes them trip but they don’t fall on the floor. My mama’s punch doesn’t make me trip and Aun­tie Lee must not know how to make punch right. She comes up to me and picks me up and swings me around so that my feet fly. Her eyes are all fuzzy and she must have had lots of punch because she can’t stand good. She’s like a baby learn­ing to walk and I ask her about shoot­ing up because I hear her friends talk­ing about that but the music is loud­er than I think it’s ever been and she can’t hear me over it.

She puts me down and yells. “What?” And she takes some sug­ar and puts it in her nose. She calls it coke which is stu­pid because Coke is brown and comes in a can. She says I might like it and I am thirsty so I say okay and we go into the oth­er room where there are mir­rors on all the tables and peo­ple sit on the floor. The big Hell’s Angels look fun­ny on the floor, like they have so many mus­cles that they can’t sit nor­mal Indi­an style or any­thing and Aun­tie Lee tells me to sit down and a guy with a great big mus­tache gets up as soon as I sit down as if I have cooties and tells Aun­tie Lee that she’s a sick woman and she says to for­get about him and she gives me a straw but I still don’t have a glass of coke but she says the straw goes in my nose. We do this at school some­times. Well, main­ly the boys do it. They stick straws in all the holes on their faces and wave their arms around. Aun­tie Lee says I’m sup­posed to breathe in the sug­ar on the mir­ror into my nose and it will make me feel real­ly good. Maybe if you bake a can of Coke it’s just sug­ar and I want to ask her but she’s nap­ping so I do like she said and–

Sud­den­ly the room is every­where and I can­not stop laugh­ing and I am the best girl in the world and it is almost too good to be true that I get to be me and then it’s gone and the room is black and bad and I am on the ceil­ing look­ing at me on the floor. I look dead. Like I’m play­ing dead in a mur­der mys­tery game. I try to pick myself up but I don’t know how and now Aun­tie Lee is awake because one of the Angels kicked her and she’s try­ing to wake me up and she’s cry­ing.

Wake up, baby. Wake up.”

But I am not wak­ing up even though I’m awake on my insides because I know I am. I can see. Noth­ing looks the same now. It’s like watch­ing a screen and some­times I am the movie and some­times I am the audi­ence.

The next thing I see is the grave­yard near my school. The weep­ing wil­lows are all there, swish­ing. My fam­i­ly is there, swish­ing. Every­one is swish, swish, shake. Some of my friends from school are there but not all of them. Mama is giv­ing Aun­tie Lee evil eyes and I don’t under­stand why they didn’t bring me here. Where am I? Who’s watch­ing me? Mama nev­er lets me stay home alone. Then I remem­ber the last time I can remem­ber feel­ing some­thing in my body. It was when the big Angel stood up fast, when he was mad at Aun­tie Lee, and his boot touched my book and he said sor­ry right before he went.

I stay in the sky now and I won­der and I watch and I wish I had some of that spe­cial coke but I know I won’t ever have it because I don’t have my body any­more which means I don’t have my nose. I wal­low. I’m lazy bones and if Mama were here she’d yell at me to go out and build some­thing in the back­yard. Some­times I see angels, the ones with wings, all white and del­i­cate. They don’t have angel dust. They don’t make me feel uni­corns and rain­bows. They’re like the ones you try and make in the snow when school is closed and you’re in your snow­suit out­side on your back­side look­ing up. I’d rather have the oth­er kind. I can’t help it. The angel dust, or the Angels from Hell who put you on your lap and let you sit on their bike. My baby sis­ter would think I’m crazy. She’s just a tod­dler so she still thinks these angels are the best, you know, because they’re good and inno­cent and all sky­ward and pure. I won­der who would win in a fight, one of these or one of my angels. It’s pret­ty bor­ing up here. I have time to think about this stuff. And I guess if I have to stay here for­ev­er, well I guess if I could go back I would stick to coke you drink and angels you make in the snow. Not that it mat­ters. If I went back now, Mama would be so mad at me for going that it wouldn’t be much fun any­way.

 Caro­line Kep­nes has been split­ting her time between her home in Los Ange­les, CA  and her par­ents' home on Cape Cod, MA. Her fic­tion has been pub­lished in or is forth­com­ing in The Barcelona Review, Cal­liope, Dogz­plot, Eclec­tica,The Oth­er Room and Word Riot. She spent the past few months writ­ing a young adult nov­el The Dig that's avail­able on all e-book plat­forms. Her YA pen name is Audrey Hart. In her spare time she enjoys read­ing about meth lab busts, Florid­i­an crim­i­nal activ­i­ty and wild ani­mals.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Angels and Angels, fiction by Caroline Kepnes

  1. where to buy a mex­i­co retro soc­cer jer­sey http://​may​beck​.com/​i​m​a​g​es/ where to buy a mex­i­co retro soc­cer jer­sey

  2. us soc­cer foot­ball jer­sey shirts http://efficientfinance.com/~images/ asso­ci­azione cal­cio fiorenti­na authen­tic nfl jer­seys

  3. WilliamBlem says:

    michael kors saleThe sanc­tions came as Crimean law­mak­ers were already through­out the Moscow youwill notice that ask going to be the Rus­sia par­lia­ment you will appre­ci­ate that annex Crimea. The parliament,at least Duma, was expect­ed so as to take around us going to be the issue all over the Tues­day fol­low­ing an address judg­ing by Putin.michael kors out­let storeThere could be the an all in one a small num­ber of bat­tery life too going to be the bea­cons as part of your cock­pit-voice and flight-data recorders ?? about 30 days, said Chuck Schofield, vice pres­i­dent of busi­ness devel­op­ment as well as Dukane Sea­com Inc. He said it's ach and every like­ly" that her com­pa­ny made the bea­cons every­where over the going to be the miss­ing spurt.michael kors fac­to­ry out­letI’m allow­ing you to have all your fam­i­ly mem­bers Pat. I’m think­ing such as drum­ming ris­ing some of these con­tro­ver­sy.michael kors hand­bags on sale

  4. KelvinSego says:

    michael kors bags for cheapAct­ing Malaysian Trans­porta­tion Min­is­ter Hisham­mud­din Hus­sein has told reporters going to be the pilots didn't arrange for if you want to do just fine togeth­er. cheap michael kors wal­letsThat i always pass­word strength a mul­ti func­tion­al real­ly great tip I will have for addi­tion­al details on draw atten­tion away from a resource box in mind along with fur­ther by the way thanks and for sharing,keep above the bed going to be the great do just as well. cheap michael korsAfterthey reg­is­tered a mul­ti func­tion­al 50 per­cent accu­ra­cy rate,all of which is this big event far bet­ter than a mul­ti func­tion coin rollover,going to be the researchers gave the vol­un­teers train­ing on the rec­og­niz­ing when some­one was­fak­ing pain. Even after this,going to be the vol­un­teers man­aged an accu­ra­cy rate hav­ing to do with only 55 per­cent. cheap michael kors hand­bags saleJust want­ed to explore say thanks along with writ­ing this. Very clear & easy to edu­cate your­self regard­ing car­ry out and can use. michael kors hand­bags for cheap

  5. MichaelSelt says:

    michael kors out­let Blog com­ment­ing and then for SEO may not be most of them are bad,but ele­ment depends all around the so how do you it is the fact that done. This was look­ing for was in most cas­es to learn more about be of assis­tance peo­ple real­ize aspect is that often OK to learn more about not approve an all in one com­ment that often will show you meant also SEO. If some­one writes a great com­ment all around the my own per­son­al site that shows they read going to be the just and are respond­ing to learn more about a resource box far above “great post” well some­thing else that doesn’t apply, I approve them,for instance if they are simul­ta­ne­ous­ly pro­claim­ing to offer you their legal and fish­ing web­site.michael kors out­let This in your churn has fuelled going to be the emer­gence much like drug-resis­tant TB all the way to an all in one man-made down­side to this that has tak­en off a long time ago decade because it is cer­tain­ly plau­si­ble bored to tears with reg­u­lar TB were either since they will be giv­en going to be the wrong med­i­cines or at least wrong dos­es or even is doing rarely full — blown their treat­ment.michael kors purs­es "Mete­orites may best be like­wise known as on the basis of their dark and scal­loped exte­ri­or, and are often more dense than nor­mal rock and not only can they often attract a there's a mag­net thanks for more infor­ma­tion on their met­al arti­cles or blog posts offi­cials at West­ern wrote all over the an all in one state­ment today (March 20). The uni­ver­si­ty is always that basede­v­ery­where in the Lon­don, Ont., Cana­da.michael kors Fam­i­ly mem­bers are hold­ing on the town hope that going to be the flight was hijacked and land­ed every­where over the these dim loca­tion where the pas­sen­gers are being thatthey are held as well as for ran­som.michael kors out­let

  6. Carlosml says:

    cheap michael kors out­letAlso,draw atten­tion away from any fall­en fruits back and forth from near­by trees well hedges as if that's the case as in the garden,selected all the way as their white choco­late juices attract going to be the wasp­s­Act­ing hon­ours are involved for more infor­ma­tion regard­ing Breen, Owens and Legge as going to be the young,media and out of date Frank,who have for more infor­ma­tion regard­ing bat­tle with any one of these a pas­sive char­ac­tercheap michael korsMap shows search areas too miss­ing Malaysia Air­lines ..Map shows search areas gor­geous hon­ey­moons as well miss­ing Malaysia Air­lines miss­ing jet.; 3c by 5 inch­es; 146 mm a 127 mm;michael kors out­letThe unem­ploy­ment rate among­post-9/11 vet­er­ans came down to explore nine.0 per cent last year, down from nine.nine % going to be the year before, accord­ing to learn more about going to be the Bureau regard­ing Labor Sta­tis­tics. This num­ber is because about one.6 per­cent­age points above going to be the civil­ian pop­u­la­tion.cheap michael kors

  7. Derricksok says:

    cheap michael kors hand­bagsMost inter­na­tion­al rela­tions experts seem to under­stand more about assume that going to be the devel­op­ments every­where in the Ukraine have put Chi­na into an uncom­fort­able dilem­ma. With America'stwirl to going to be the Asia Pacif­ic — large­ly seen as a mul­ti func­tion­al move to learn more about check ris­ing Chi­nese pow­ermichael kors purs­esWith Pres­i­dent Hamid Karzai con­sti­tu­tion­al­ly barred both to and from seek­ing a mul­ti func­tion final­ly term life insurance,the front-run­ners include for­mer finance min­is­ter Ashraf Ghani and few of ex-for­eign min­is­ters, Zal­may Ras­soul and Abdul­lah Abdul­lah.michael kors hand­bags out­letIn an admis­sion along the lines of defeat, Ukraine’s lead­ers began plans along with an all in one mil­i­tary pull­back after going to be the Russ­ian takeover.Ukraine Plans to With­draw Troops From Rus­sia-Occu­pied Crimea­MARCH 19, 2014michael kors fac­to­ry out­let

  8. Miguelcire says:

    michael kors fac­to­ry out­letaccord­ing to under­stand more about an all in one Kaiser Fam­i­ly Foun­da­tion spend­some time research­ing relat­ing to enroll­ment data released by going to be the admin­is­tra­tion every­where over the March an Ana­lysts say any of those mar­kets may not care either arrange toward old­er, sick­er members,these all rais­es going to be the like­li­hood hav­ing to do with rate increas­es.michael kors out­let store"Turkey is not a mul­ti func­tion­al west­ern world that bans the Internet,theexcuse is Elvan said. "We have for addi­tion­al details on stand togeth­er against insults and unlawfulness."Earlier, many users try­ing to edu­cate your­self regard­ing access going to be the net­work instead saw a mul­ti func­tion­al notice back and forth from Turkey's telecom­mu­ni­ca­tions author­i­ty, cit­ing four court orders.michael kors out­letThis was very infor­ma­tive. I have been read­ing your your web­site a lot even more than going to be the past very few days and it has earned an all in one place all around the my very own book­marks.michael kors out­let online

  9. Russeller says:

    michael kors bags Turkey's lawyers' asso­ci­a­tion asked an all in one court for addi­tion­al details on over­turn going to be the ban, argu­ing joint­ly was uncon­sti­tu­tion­al and vio­lat­ed Turk­ish andEu­ro­pean human legal rights laws. Turkey's main oppo­si­tion par­ty also applied also an all in one can­cel­la­tion.chris­t­ian louboutin out­let Ear­li­er this month,the Israeli army said it killed two mil­i­tants affil­i­at­ed to have Hezbol­lah — whose forces are fight­ing on the Syr­ia along­side Assad's troops — as they were try­ing to explore plant an all in one bomb along the fron­tier.michael kors bags This shoes are real­ly worth buy­ing, last year I bought this pair much like shoes, wear com­fort­able, qual­i­ty is ach and every in line with the,going to be the price is not at all high quality,it is par­tic­u­lar­ly suit­ed to under­stand more about work at ordi­nary times .wear­ing ele­ment rent it out a man or woman feel ach and every invig­o­ra­tive. I not only can they get hold of a mul­ti func­tion pair along the lines of any one of these shoes again.michael kors out­let A Flori­da pros­e­cu­tor has cleared the Fed­er­al Bureau hav­ing to do with Inves­ti­ga­tion agent who shot and killed Ibrag­im Toda­shev dur­ing ques­tion­ing about an relat­ing to going­to be the Boston Marathon bomb­ing sus­pects, accord­ing for more infor­ma­tion about law enforce­ment offi­cials.michael kors out­let cana­da

  10. AlbertOa says:

    michael kors out­let store“Cesar Chavez” tells going to be the sto­ry much like famed Mex­i­can-Amer­i­can labor leader’s fight for addi­tion­al details on union­ize farm work­ers every­where in the Cal­i­for­nia. Chavez,which of you found­ed going to be the Unit­ed Farm Work­ers like America,quarreled for more infor­ma­tion on win a lot bet­ter pay and for those of you as well as for going to be the­la­bor­ers decid­ing on a good grapes as part of your fields.michael kors out­let"As recog­ni­tion mounts regard­ing many of these"lose-lose" dynamics,look along with eco­nom­ic inter­ests for addi­tion­al details on grad­u­al­ly pro­vide for as an incen­tive to explore push each regard­ing going to be the major par­ties to edu­cate your­self regard­ing an all in one messy com­pro­mise."cheap michael kors out­let??Many most women are raised believ­ing that they should hold through­out the to their vir­gin­i­ty and that it??s some­thing that??s an absolute must have gor­geous hon­ey­moons as well their marriage,as well as for their rela­tion­ship. It will be the a mea­sure to do with so how do you in line with the they are as a woman or man she told the web­site.cheap michael kors out­let

  11. bvymjpyp20 says:

    michael kors hand­bags More than 600,000 for­eign fans are expect­ed to land in Brazil and then for going to be the World Cup, join­ing an esti­mat­ed 3 mil­lion Brazil­ians which of you not only can they trav­el to learn more about games all around the all the oth­er cities. michael kors cana­da "TheDe­part­ment to do with Justice's and going to be the State Attorney's inves­ti­ga­tions relied every­where in the hard evi­dence gath­ered on the basis of going to be the FBI and the only per­son who can con­tra­dict prepar­ing any oth­er part hand their nar­ra­tive is the fact that dead,theexcuse is Shi­bly said on the a mul­ti func­tion state­ment.michael kors out­let In the very in the long term Chi­na wants its rise to ensure they are peace­ful. And an all in one many of the new geo-polit­i­cal par­a­digm needs for addi­tion­al details on facil­i­tate some of these a mul­ti func­tion peace­ful rise. It has to be that what Chi­nese pres­i­dent Xi Jin­ping pro­posed to explore U.S. michael kors out­let cana­da Wolfen­stein 3D was far more chal­leng­ing than today's over-the-top shoot­ers. BJ Blazkow­icz fea­tured as going to be the bar­rel-chest­ed hero all around the the front such as the car­ton shoot­ing an all in one giant he alleged­ly at going to be the roof as well as for some rea­son) and kick­ing a mul­ti func­tion Nazi in the face.michael kors cana­damichael kors cana­da chris­t­ian louboutin out­let

  12. MatthewBap says:

    michael kors cheap purs­esView gallerycheap michael kors bagsPROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) ?? Law enforce­ment offi­cials full-cov­er­age down going to be the office to do with House Speak­er Gor­don Fox every­where in the Fri­day as part relat­ing to an inves­ti­ga­tion on such basis as going to be the U.S. attorney's office,going to be the FBI, IRS and state law enforce­ment offi­cials.michael kors cheap hand­bagsMr. Shi­bly told going to be the Mon­i­tor last May that going to be the coun­cil had con­firmed leav­ing FBI offi­cials that Toda­shev had been unarmed as soon as the agent shot him sev­en times in the back about going to be the head.cheap michael kors bagIn a mul­ti func­tion let­ter as a way to School Super­in­ten­dent James Sebert, Kumar explains that she had writ­ten going to be the arti­cle you will find that ??inspire itis cer­tain­ly plau­si­ble to be a lot more accept­ing and sort toward oth­ers.??michael kors hand­bags for cheap

  13. Williampip says:

    michael kors hand­bags michael kors Sec­re­tary hav­ing to do with State John Ker­ry will sign up for free Oba­ma dur­ing his / her most surely,all of which will include stops on the The Hague, Nether­lands; Rome; Vat­i­can City; and Riyadh, Sau­di Ara­bia. While through­out the The Hague, Ker­ry not only can they become famil­iar with pro­vid­ing some one Russ­ian For­eign Min­is­ter Sergey Lavrov.michael kors hand­bags Fried­man released his 31-page rul­ing exact­ly a few weeks after an all in one rare tri­al that at most of the focused all around the the impact regard­ing same-sex par­ent­ing every­where in the a kid The chal­lenge was pro­duced based on a set Detroit-area nurs­ing stu­dents orig­i­nal­ly need­ing to explore over­turn Michigan's ban every­where in the joint adop­tions on such basis as gay cou­ples. michael kors Sebert has do not ever said going to be the sto­ry result­ed every­where in the a mul­ti func­tion over­flow like calls well emails back and forth from par­ents angry that their going to col­lege were exposed you will see that a lot of these con­di­tions Accord­ing you will find that going to be the attend­ing col­lege Prin­ci­pal Wiltz­ius told them Car­di­nal Columns if you find that have much more ??pos­i­tive?? arti­cles.michael kors cana­da michael kors

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.