Go to the Sum­mer Red­neck Games,  if that's your thing. I'd like to point out that a true Red­neck Games would have tobacco spit­ting con­tests instead of water­melon seeds.

I feel like ram­bling and riff­ing, as some­times hap­pens when I'm not writ­ing well, so bear this post with good humor, if you will.

When I was a kid, my par­ents and brother belonged to a reen­act­ment group called the The Ameigh Val­ley Irreg­u­lars Black Pow­der Club–pre-1840s dress and sup­plies rec­om­mended and some­times required.The club was loosely orga­nized under the aegis of the NMLRA. This was a good time, believe me. The club would meet every month or so and shoot at the range a cou­ple times a month, or maybe once a month, I can't remem­ber. When we first cleared a cou­ple fields to set up the fir­ing range, I was ten tears old or so, and my idea of fun included run­ning the hills with the owner's Ger­man Shep­herd, Fudgie, or swim­ming in the large pond called Packard's Pud­dle, or sim­ply lying on the ground and watch­ing the adults brush­hog every­thing. Then I'd bur­row into the grass and tree limbs pile before we burned it later in the day. The mess made a great fort.

Maybe twice a year we'd have a shoot, where we'd com­pete against another gun club, maybe Land of the Senecas, or Whis­per­ing Pines, both still exist. These times pro­vided the most oppor­tu­nity for me. I wasn't old enough to com­pete and wouldn't have com­peted had I been old enough, because I had a prob­lem: flinch­ing. It's one thing to shoot a center-fire or rim-fire rifle, where all the explod­ing is done in the bar­rel of the rifle. The three-stage igni­tion of a flint­lock muz­zle­loader is some­thing else again, because all that action is hap­pen­ing an inch in front of your face. You see the spark when the flint hits the frizzen, see the hiss and puff of the prim­ing pow­der going off, then the boom of the rifle as the spark enters the touch­hole set­ting off the charge. If you're not expe­ri­enced, you'll flinch at the first explo­sion of pow­der, close your eyes, and not hit any­thing. It's dif­fi­cult to get used to, and I never did.

On the other hand, things I could and did do included both tobacco spit­ting and throw­ing tom­a­hawk and knife. The tobacco-spitting came nat­u­rally, as these were the late 70s days of Skoal and Copenhagen–"just a pinch between your cheek and gum"– at the very least, and if you were hard­core, like my grand­fa­ther and my brother, and ALL of his friends (who were mine as well) it was loose-leaf or plug tobacco like Red Man, Beech Nut or Levi Gar­rett. Now, the idea of spit­ting is easy, as nearly  every­one who chews tobacco has to do it. Spit­ting the 20 feet or more required for com­pe­ti­tion takes some power and finesse.  You could spit neatly between your teeth and look cool if you had the mouth to do it, but you wouldn't get dis­tance. Bet­ter by far to get up a good half-a-mouthful of loose leaf tobacco and hack a plo­sive loogey. I watched a guy lose once because he spat the entire thing–tobacco, juice and all–when it's sup­posed to be, you know, just the juice you spit. I'm happy to report I quit the nasty stuff by about 13, partly because I was grow­ing out of my big brother's influ­ence (he also quit, though I don't remem­ber when). I won­der if I'll ever feel as cool, though, as when I walked into school with the faded ring of the Skoal can marked on the back left pocket of all my jeans. It was quite a sta­tus sym­bol once, though never as impor­tant to me as the tom­a­hawk and knife.

The tar­get was made of logs nailed together in a rough tri­pod, the tar­get log being about a foot and half in diam­e­ter, and the tar­get itself a sim­ple play­ing card set side­ways. There was no required dis­tance from the tar­get. As long as your hawk or knife made a com­plete rev­o­lu­tion with every throw, you were fine. A sim­ple stick got you one point, if I remem­ber right, three points if you hit the card, and five if you cut it in half. I spent lit­eral hours, even days, at this, every week­end, either at the club or in the barn at home. It became sim­ple physics to me after a while. I dis­cov­ered when I took  four  steps from the tar­get and turned around, I had my sweet spot, and could stick every time, same thing with 8 paces, 12, 16, and finally 20. This came in handy when impress­ing young Scouts dur­ing my sum­mers on staff at Camp Brule, but didn't pro­vide much for com­pe­ti­tion. I became bored, and just stopped throw­ing for a while.

My brother made things more inter­est­ing when he and his friends made their own  throw­ing stars, weld­ing together four mow­ing machine blades into a very heavy and lethal machine about the size of my adult hand. He got good enough with it to split the tom­a­hawk han­dle of the unfor­tu­nate some­one who threw first. More than a cou­ple times, that was me, who would then have to spend hours glass­ing down the neck of a new han­dle so it would fit the hawk and still bal­ance well.

In my late teens, my friend Ed and I got good enough to throw in tan­dem and cut a card, and do var­i­ous and sundry tricks too. Many of these were made pos­si­ble by my next-door neigh­bor, who pro­duced great throw­ing knives out of scrap metal, quarter-inch-thick pieces of steel; about the size of my fore­arm, riv­eted with leather han­dles, as well as a notch cut on the blade for the bal­ance point. Dad had a big one but didn't throw it much, and mine was some­what smaller. In time, I inher­ited Dad's knife too, even­tu­ally, as the gun club ran its course of pop­u­lar­ity and fell apart, and he didn't need to throw it anymore.

I miss throw­ing, miss that solid sat­is­fac­tion of blade meet­ing wood, the rest­ful rhythms of the walk back and forth to pull the blade, the deep, nearly feral sat­is­fac­tion of being so good at some­thing so use­less. I still have a tom­a­hawk, bought recently from the same Dixie Gun Works I bought from twenty-five years ago, and in honor of hav­ing bought our house. Right now, the back­yard is filled with the beau­ti­ful flow­ers and a nice wooden fence the house came with. It needs a tar­get. I'm going to find a log (not so easy to find in the city) and set up a range soon, and see how much my throwing's been affected by my twice-broken right elbow. Plus, I can't wait to hear what the neigh­bors say. :-)